What Do I Live For?

I love church sermons that make me think....especially when the sermon addresses something that has been on my mind for about 19 months. If you ever want to check out people talking about real issues and how faith can apply to your modern life, go to www.northmetro.org (home->video messages) and listen to a couple of passages from our passionate Pastors.

For a while I have struggled in my head about what I am truly living for and where all of my efforts are going?

I have never been a materialistic person. I don't live to drive the best car...my Honda is almost 10 years old, has 165k miles on it and I am absolutely fine with it. Designer labels in my clothes? Absolutely not...such a waste of money to me. I don't own one single device that would bring me to my knees if I lost it. I admit I'm a little addicted to texting, but I could absolutely live without my cell phone if I chose to.

If you could stand back and look at my life and see what I spend most of my time on, you would probably come to the conclusion that I care a lot about work. Work is where all of my time goes during the week.

Honestly, I could care less about "work". I don't mean for that to sound like I'm not thankful. I am. I am thankful that I have a job that is stable. I am thankful that I have a flexible schedule, meaning nobody is watching me if I am not sitting at my desk working by 8am. I am thankful that I don't have to work on the weekends. Bottom line, I'm thankful to be working, but my "job" is not where I gain my feeling of accomplishment, at all...here is where my struggle comes in....if I don't really gain accomplishment from my job, then why am I there for at least 40 hours a week?

Multiple answers come to mind and they are all about money, which makes me sick. #1 our mortgage has to be paid. #2 daycare has to be paid. And so on. Even if I wanted to (which I honestly do) I can't walk away from my job and focus completely on my family. Well, that isn't completely true....I could walk away....what would that mean for us? Selling our house (in a horrible market) and possibly a car. I am not brave enough to walk away because I'm comfortable. I'm starting to hate being comfortable.

What do I really want to invest my time in?

I want to invest my time in my relationship with Jesus, Robert, Emma, family and friends. I want to live to make sure that my daughter has a guide so that her soul is secure. I want to live to make sure my husband is happy. I want to spend actual quality time with my family and friends. I want to invest time in the people that I know do not know Jesus like I do.

I have no idea how to even begin living my everyday life like the above paragraph states...all I know is that I need to pray about it. It will get handled, I just have to stop struggling with it in my head.

I wonder how many other people struggle with this....do people that are "married" to their jobs realize that they are putting SO much effort into something that has a time limit? You can't take that job with you when you die. I highly doubt that I will be rewarded for being the best mortgage loan coordinator in the world while my daughter is being taken care of all day long by someone who isn't me. That opens an entirely new can of worms becuase I think it is important for Emma to be exposed to something other than our house each day. She loves her little friends at school and her teachers are amazing people. Is it possible that I can have the best of both worlds?? Can I make it work so that she has school time each week and a lot of mommy time? I have no idea.

I just think a lot of effort is put into things that don't really matter. I think my life would be absolutely perfect if I was able to live like I described in the paragraph above. Will my life ever get there, probably not. I don't think humans are meant for perfection on earth....I can strive for it, but more than likely will never get there.

It sort of irks me when people say "ah, my life is perfect"....no it isn't, c'mon! I guess everyone's idea of perfect is different....mine has nothing to do with money, job titles, vacations, etc....its all about filling my spiritual cup and the cup of those around me.

These are just the things I think about a lot. I am sure many other women feel the same way. I honestly believe that once you know better, you do better....even if doing better takes time.

Maybe the next blog post won't be so darn deep....I can only go to the deep realms of my mind so many times each week....it's a scary place in there!!

HJA :-)

Life=A Journey....Didn't You Learn This in School?

Life is funny....to me it is just multiple situations and opportunities that we have to make a difference in the life of another person. I haven't always felt this way. Life used to be about me, after all, it is my life, right?

Wrong.

I think I know why my opinion on what my life is about has changed....is it because I'm getting older? Maybe. Is it because I am now a wife and mother? Maybe. Is it because I am realizing that the happiness of the people around me is more important to me than my own? Possibly.

I don't know if this thought has an actual theory based on it or not....who cares about theories....I know it to be factual because I've lived it. If you take yourself out of the equation....forget about your immediate happiness....forget about "me" for a minute, life changes. The life change happens when you begin to nourish your personal relationships. Not just your relationship with your husband or wife, but your relationship with your parents, your friends, your children. I have found that when you love these people unconditionally and without fear, the love comes back full circle and nourishes you. Yes, I'm talking to you. This is not a joke. It is called being selfless. It is the most amazing feeling.

It sounds contradictory, but I promise it works. Think less about yourself and you become happier. It is simple. Try it.

People need YOU....you might not know it, but it is true. People all around you need your love, your friendship and your selfless giving.

I truly believe that the world would be a better place if people really put the good ol' Golden Rule to use. People wouldn't steal because they wouldn't want to be stolen from. People would not abuse others because they wouldn't want to be abused....and so on. I know that the idea of a universe "group hug" isn't likely, but it would be cool. I know there is a place like this and I'm excited to know that I will be there one day.