The eating portion of the "diet and exercise" is absolutely the hardest....I'm trying to remember if I have done a blog update and said the exact opposite, that exercise was the hardest...hehehe...I don't think I have, but it depends on the week.
Ok, they are both hard....but I'm addicted to food...so the food part is the hardest for me, by far.
I have been researching common foods that I used to eat and I'm going to be honest with you...it is abslutely depressing that the food available to us at restaurants and fast food chains is so horrible. Not ALL food is horrible if you are eating out, but I will venture to say that 90% of it is, unless that restaurant has a "light" menu. McDonald's has even managed to screw up oatmeal, one of the healthiest things on the planet. Their new fruit and maple oatmeal has as much sugar as a Snickers bar...seriously, I'm not joking. Only 10 calories less than a McD's cheeseburger. You may be asking "what in the heck did they do to the oatmeal to make it unusually unhealthy?".....they add tons of brown sugar and cream. A serving of Quaker brown sugar and maple oatmeal is 160 calories...as opposed to 290 in McDonald's new offer. Don't get me wrong, I still love a quarter pounder with cheese more than just about anything, but something is going on in my head and my brain will not allow me to eat like that any longer....not to say I won't ever eat one again, I am sure I will, but I used to have them WEEKLY. I honestly don't know how I'm not more fat than I am.
A lot of people get ticked at the fast food industry...saying they are "tricking" us into thinking we are eating healthier. That is complete BS. We should know what we are eating...nutritional information is a click away for any restaurant on the planet...it is our responsibility to know. In a way it does sort of tick me off that the grilled ceasar wrap at Chik-Fil-A has more calories than their classic Chicken sandwich...it makes no sense...well, it does make sense, its all about the dressing, but still...in most minds a thin wrap filled with lettuce and grilled chicken can't possibly have more calories than a fried chicken sandwhich....well, yes it does.
I still have moments where I get absolutely pissed about food. Last Friday as I was driving home to Alabama I had one of these moments. When we travel to my parent's house it used to be our "tradition" to stop by McDonald's and get food on the road....and sometimes after the nearly three hour trip, we'd eat again when we got to my mom's house...I know, sick. Anyway...before I even got out of our subdivision I was already thinking of McDonald's....already having the conversation with myself..."maybe I will stop and just get a small cheeseburger and maybe some fries...just this one last time"....it took every single amount of strength I had to pass by that McDonald's, not only one of them, but the three of them that are on our route to I-20. I was literally pissed...I was pissed because I could remember the exact taste of the food and I missed it. This was a huge victory for me. I arrived at my parent's house where my mom had prepared baked BBQ chicken and vegetables. I was satisfied and soon enough the frustration over the quarter pounder of cheese that never was, faded.
I have said it before and I have to say it again...this entire thinking process about food is so foreign to me...it is SO weird to me to not immediately just run to the nearest fast food place for lunch, even when I forgot my stuff at home...now my initial reaction is to find the nearest Subway or grocery store. Last week I was working in Cumming, GA and this small Mayberry type of town didn't have a Subway...I drove for miles looking for a grocery store, finally found an Ingles and found a healthy lunch. I know I am making these decisions each day, but it is almost like my mind changed over night.
I have been waiting on my mind to change for so long....prayed endlessly for the strength to think differently and it has finally happened. There are SO many emotions wrapped up into this, but I'm working through all of them as they come...it literally excites me sometimes when I think about the idea that this is
my year....I know it is....it scares the crap out of me becuase I was obviously comfortable being fat, but I'm getting out of my comfort zone and literally stepping into a new body with each pound I lose. It will take all of 2011 and maybe even some of 2012 to reach my final goal, but I'm on my way.
:-)
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Too bad the mind doesn't have a rest button...or off button.
This blog is very therapeutic for me...it is almost like a diary that is unlocked and open for the entire world to read. I feel like the things that cross my mind each day about food and weight need to be announced...people need to know a couple of things:
1. if you are also trying to lose weight, you aren't alone...
2. if you have unrealistic goals you will become disappointed and your progress could suffer
3. you aren't crazy...I have those same thoughts...unless we are both crazy, but who care's if that is the case...it is not crazy to dream about swimming in a sea of cheese dip with a tortilla chip as your raft, not crazy at all...
4. there are many things that nobody ever tells you about losing weight...same thing with giving birth...snow skiing for the first time and getting married...
I just want to be honest. There are some days where I feel like I could conquer the world...no temptation is too much for me...even if a sweet man wearing a sombrero tried to make me eat a steak quesadilla I would have the energy to toss him aside and chomp on some celery.
Today is not one of those days.
In my mind I've already skipped out on doing Zumba tonight and ordered Chinese food for dinner...I know it sounds crazy, but I can almost taste the imaginary beef and broccoli. The even more wacko part is that my actions have been all good today...ate a good low calorie breakfast, had an awesome homemade salad for lunch (made by my Valentine, I could start a whole new blog about how blessed I am to have him)...I have an entire office full of candy at my disposal (thanks to Valentine's Day) and have only wasted 80 calories on a mini twix. My diet is going strong today.....it is my mind that is unbelievably off track, again.
Three weeks ago today this diet, change in attitude, life change, healthy eating thing...whatever you want to call it, started. As of last Thursday I was down 12 pounds. I gained 3 more of those pounds back from Thursday to Monday. You are probably thinking "dang, how many cows did you eat?"...and to answer your question...zero cows consumed. It was just a conglomerate of several bad choices and then a negative thought process that comes with that, you know the ol' "oh well, I've already blown it by eating 'X', so I might as well enjoy some 'Y' and 'Z'".
Three weeks ago I wanted to be down 15-20 pounds at this point, 15 might not be too unrealistic, but 20 is....I wanted the 17 Day Diet to be my jump start...I wanted it to finally be the diet I stick to...I stuck to it exactly for 4.5 days...realized it was too restrictive and then started the calorie counting. The cool thing is that I can actually lose weight...it is SO neat to see the numbers go down, I have to remind myself how good that feels. The science is true...burn more calories than you eat, end of discussion....there is no magical chemical breakdown that will make you lose fat faster and keep it off, etc...its just simply BURN calories, which means get up off of your fat arse and move!
I am struggling to let go of the "timeline"....I can't tell you how many times I have counted days and months and had this conversation with myself "ok, so if I lose 'X' amount of pounds per month, by June I will only need to lose 'X' more pounds"....I think it is good to have goals...REALISTIC goals...I want to lose 100 pounds by December and that is absolutely realistic, but only if I do what I have to do to make it happen...which for me means working out at least 5 days a week, eating 1200 calories or less per day and on ONE splurge day, only 2000 calories. That is entirely realistic and that is my new goal for this week...SO many things that could be seen as road blocks are coming towards me at warp speed...Valentine's Day and going back home to Alabama this weekend for a dinner with some old high school friends (going back to Alabama is like returning to the capital of down home country cooking "hey, you wanna try frying that and see if it is good? Yep! Ok! Damn...that is good fried!")...I am determined to stay on track...do some sort of work out for 5 days (I know two of those days will be Zumba) and control my calories. Calorie counting isn't so bad...you can absolutely still eat the things you like, just not nearly as much...portion control is a pain in my butt, but it is a necessity.
I must remember that this losing weight phase is only temporary...it will never be easy, but it will get easier once I have lost the pounds and I'm maintaining.
I really can't wait for the day that I can say "I used to be fat...."
1. if you are also trying to lose weight, you aren't alone...
2. if you have unrealistic goals you will become disappointed and your progress could suffer
3. you aren't crazy...I have those same thoughts...unless we are both crazy, but who care's if that is the case...it is not crazy to dream about swimming in a sea of cheese dip with a tortilla chip as your raft, not crazy at all...
4. there are many things that nobody ever tells you about losing weight...same thing with giving birth...snow skiing for the first time and getting married...
I just want to be honest. There are some days where I feel like I could conquer the world...no temptation is too much for me...even if a sweet man wearing a sombrero tried to make me eat a steak quesadilla I would have the energy to toss him aside and chomp on some celery.
Today is not one of those days.
In my mind I've already skipped out on doing Zumba tonight and ordered Chinese food for dinner...I know it sounds crazy, but I can almost taste the imaginary beef and broccoli. The even more wacko part is that my actions have been all good today...ate a good low calorie breakfast, had an awesome homemade salad for lunch (made by my Valentine, I could start a whole new blog about how blessed I am to have him)...I have an entire office full of candy at my disposal (thanks to Valentine's Day) and have only wasted 80 calories on a mini twix. My diet is going strong today.....it is my mind that is unbelievably off track, again.
Three weeks ago today this diet, change in attitude, life change, healthy eating thing...whatever you want to call it, started. As of last Thursday I was down 12 pounds. I gained 3 more of those pounds back from Thursday to Monday. You are probably thinking "dang, how many cows did you eat?"...and to answer your question...zero cows consumed. It was just a conglomerate of several bad choices and then a negative thought process that comes with that, you know the ol' "oh well, I've already blown it by eating 'X', so I might as well enjoy some 'Y' and 'Z'".
Three weeks ago I wanted to be down 15-20 pounds at this point, 15 might not be too unrealistic, but 20 is....I wanted the 17 Day Diet to be my jump start...I wanted it to finally be the diet I stick to...I stuck to it exactly for 4.5 days...realized it was too restrictive and then started the calorie counting. The cool thing is that I can actually lose weight...it is SO neat to see the numbers go down, I have to remind myself how good that feels. The science is true...burn more calories than you eat, end of discussion....there is no magical chemical breakdown that will make you lose fat faster and keep it off, etc...its just simply BURN calories, which means get up off of your fat arse and move!
I am struggling to let go of the "timeline"....I can't tell you how many times I have counted days and months and had this conversation with myself "ok, so if I lose 'X' amount of pounds per month, by June I will only need to lose 'X' more pounds"....I think it is good to have goals...REALISTIC goals...I want to lose 100 pounds by December and that is absolutely realistic, but only if I do what I have to do to make it happen...which for me means working out at least 5 days a week, eating 1200 calories or less per day and on ONE splurge day, only 2000 calories. That is entirely realistic and that is my new goal for this week...SO many things that could be seen as road blocks are coming towards me at warp speed...Valentine's Day and going back home to Alabama this weekend for a dinner with some old high school friends (going back to Alabama is like returning to the capital of down home country cooking "hey, you wanna try frying that and see if it is good? Yep! Ok! Damn...that is good fried!")...I am determined to stay on track...do some sort of work out for 5 days (I know two of those days will be Zumba) and control my calories. Calorie counting isn't so bad...you can absolutely still eat the things you like, just not nearly as much...portion control is a pain in my butt, but it is a necessity.
I must remember that this losing weight phase is only temporary...it will never be easy, but it will get easier once I have lost the pounds and I'm maintaining.
I really can't wait for the day that I can say "I used to be fat...."
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Who needs a therapist??? I do, I do :-)
I'm learning so much about myself right now....so much more than I ever knew. To quote one of my favorite movies "Ogre's are a lot like onions, they have many layers...". Well, Shrek, so are humans!
I'm still struggling with my mind's view of food. I am positive that I don't have a healthy view point of what food means to me. Until last week I abused food pretty much every single time I ate. My mind is changing with every single bite I take. Even this past weekend when I know I didn't eat well, I was absolutely aware of it, it was not mindless eating any longer. This is the first time in my ENTIRE life that this has occurred. Every single time I've tried to lose weight before, I went off track and didn't care what my mind thought about what I was piling into my mouth. This emotion...this new decision to care about what I eat, is so new.
Another thing that has come to my attention is that I am finally beginning to be able to count on myself. In my life, my friends and family know that they can count on me, if I make a commitment to someone I will see it through, but for the longest time I couldn't count on myself. I would make a promise "tomorrow is a new day and I'm going to get healthy this year"....and the promise would be broken within 24 hours, every single time. So I had this pattern of letting myself down over and over again, which in turn chips away at my self confidence, it was literally making me believe that I couldn't do this. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I feel like I can count on me now.
I know that having any amount of weight to lose is a battle, but nobody on earth knows how it feels to know that you need to lose an enormous amount of weight. 100+ pounds is a big number and it is the number I stare at every single day. I know I don't need to get wrapped up in that number, but it is difficult....it is way beyond 30, 40 or 50 pounds. The amazing thing is that it is entirely doable.....but it honestly sort of pisses me off when I hear someone say, "geez, just do it, just make up your mind to do it and stop talking about it so much"....nobody has ever said this to me personally, but I'm sure some people in my life have had this thought. They have no idea. Ignorance will always stand between someone facing a huge struggle and someone who can't respect that it REALLY is a struggle.
When the journey ahead of you is to do something that few people do successfully (lose 100+ pounds for life) having support is so important. Having the support of my own mind is the most important. I promise I'm not making this more dramatic than it has to be, it is a dramatic process. That is probably one reason why it has taken me SO long to decide to do this for real. I hate drama....but at the moment, I'm having to embrace it and just go.
It feels SO good to know I can count on me. It feels SO good to know that even though I will mess up sometimes, I will get back on track and move forward towards my goal.
From this point on, I'm no longer ok with being fat...not because I want to look cute in summer clothes (ok, maybe that is some of the reason), but becuase I want to be the person that I was created to be and I know for sure that person isn't 100 pounds overweight. The fact remains that I love me and I'm doing this for me first!
I'm still struggling with my mind's view of food. I am positive that I don't have a healthy view point of what food means to me. Until last week I abused food pretty much every single time I ate. My mind is changing with every single bite I take. Even this past weekend when I know I didn't eat well, I was absolutely aware of it, it was not mindless eating any longer. This is the first time in my ENTIRE life that this has occurred. Every single time I've tried to lose weight before, I went off track and didn't care what my mind thought about what I was piling into my mouth. This emotion...this new decision to care about what I eat, is so new.
Another thing that has come to my attention is that I am finally beginning to be able to count on myself. In my life, my friends and family know that they can count on me, if I make a commitment to someone I will see it through, but for the longest time I couldn't count on myself. I would make a promise "tomorrow is a new day and I'm going to get healthy this year"....and the promise would be broken within 24 hours, every single time. So I had this pattern of letting myself down over and over again, which in turn chips away at my self confidence, it was literally making me believe that I couldn't do this. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I feel like I can count on me now.
I know that having any amount of weight to lose is a battle, but nobody on earth knows how it feels to know that you need to lose an enormous amount of weight. 100+ pounds is a big number and it is the number I stare at every single day. I know I don't need to get wrapped up in that number, but it is difficult....it is way beyond 30, 40 or 50 pounds. The amazing thing is that it is entirely doable.....but it honestly sort of pisses me off when I hear someone say, "geez, just do it, just make up your mind to do it and stop talking about it so much"....nobody has ever said this to me personally, but I'm sure some people in my life have had this thought. They have no idea. Ignorance will always stand between someone facing a huge struggle and someone who can't respect that it REALLY is a struggle.
When the journey ahead of you is to do something that few people do successfully (lose 100+ pounds for life) having support is so important. Having the support of my own mind is the most important. I promise I'm not making this more dramatic than it has to be, it is a dramatic process. That is probably one reason why it has taken me SO long to decide to do this for real. I hate drama....but at the moment, I'm having to embrace it and just go.
It feels SO good to know I can count on me. It feels SO good to know that even though I will mess up sometimes, I will get back on track and move forward towards my goal.
From this point on, I'm no longer ok with being fat...not because I want to look cute in summer clothes (ok, maybe that is some of the reason), but becuase I want to be the person that I was created to be and I know for sure that person isn't 100 pounds overweight. The fact remains that I love me and I'm doing this for me first!
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