This blog is very therapeutic for me...it is almost like a diary that is unlocked and open for the entire world to read. I feel like the things that cross my mind each day about food and weight need to be announced...people need to know a couple of things:
1. if you are also trying to lose weight, you aren't alone...
2. if you have unrealistic goals you will become disappointed and your progress could suffer
3. you aren't crazy...I have those same thoughts...unless we are both crazy, but who care's if that is the case...it is not crazy to dream about swimming in a sea of cheese dip with a tortilla chip as your raft, not crazy at all...
4. there are many things that nobody ever tells you about losing weight...same thing with giving birth...snow skiing for the first time and getting married...
I just want to be honest. There are some days where I feel like I could conquer the world...no temptation is too much for me...even if a sweet man wearing a sombrero tried to make me eat a steak quesadilla I would have the energy to toss him aside and chomp on some celery.
Today is not one of those days.
In my mind I've already skipped out on doing Zumba tonight and ordered Chinese food for dinner...I know it sounds crazy, but I can almost taste the imaginary beef and broccoli. The even more wacko part is that my actions have been all good today...ate a good low calorie breakfast, had an awesome homemade salad for lunch (made by my Valentine, I could start a whole new blog about how blessed I am to have him)...I have an entire office full of candy at my disposal (thanks to Valentine's Day) and have only wasted 80 calories on a mini twix. My diet is going strong today.....it is my mind that is unbelievably off track, again.
Three weeks ago today this diet, change in attitude, life change, healthy eating thing...whatever you want to call it, started. As of last Thursday I was down 12 pounds. I gained 3 more of those pounds back from Thursday to Monday. You are probably thinking "dang, how many cows did you eat?"...and to answer your question...zero cows consumed. It was just a conglomerate of several bad choices and then a negative thought process that comes with that, you know the ol' "oh well, I've already blown it by eating 'X', so I might as well enjoy some 'Y' and 'Z'".
Three weeks ago I wanted to be down 15-20 pounds at this point, 15 might not be too unrealistic, but 20 is....I wanted the 17 Day Diet to be my jump start...I wanted it to finally be the diet I stick to...I stuck to it exactly for 4.5 days...realized it was too restrictive and then started the calorie counting. The cool thing is that I can actually lose weight...it is SO neat to see the numbers go down, I have to remind myself how good that feels. The science is true...burn more calories than you eat, end of discussion....there is no magical chemical breakdown that will make you lose fat faster and keep it off, etc...its just simply BURN calories, which means get up off of your fat arse and move!
I am struggling to let go of the "timeline"....I can't tell you how many times I have counted days and months and had this conversation with myself "ok, so if I lose 'X' amount of pounds per month, by June I will only need to lose 'X' more pounds"....I think it is good to have goals...REALISTIC goals...I want to lose 100 pounds by December and that is absolutely realistic, but only if I do what I have to do to make it happen...which for me means working out at least 5 days a week, eating 1200 calories or less per day and on ONE splurge day, only 2000 calories. That is entirely realistic and that is my new goal for this week...SO many things that could be seen as road blocks are coming towards me at warp speed...Valentine's Day and going back home to Alabama this weekend for a dinner with some old high school friends (going back to Alabama is like returning to the capital of down home country cooking "hey, you wanna try frying that and see if it is good? Yep! Ok! Damn...that is good fried!")...I am determined to stay on track...do some sort of work out for 5 days (I know two of those days will be Zumba) and control my calories. Calorie counting isn't so bad...you can absolutely still eat the things you like, just not nearly as much...portion control is a pain in my butt, but it is a necessity.
I must remember that this losing weight phase is only temporary...it will never be easy, but it will get easier once I have lost the pounds and I'm maintaining.
I really can't wait for the day that I can say "I used to be fat...."
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